So I was doing some journalling ....

I was having a conversation with a very close and dear support individual, of which I am so incredibly grateful to have within my life, when we touched upon a subject that neither of us were even contemplating moments earlier.  I always find it funny how sometimes the topic of our discussion evolves to just exactly where it needs to be.  Somehow, without either of us knowing, the direction and relevance of our talk seems to locate and zero in on that area which necessarily requires the attention.  My goodness, what a pleasure that can be.  

Later that evening while I was reflecting on the days events, pondering the conversation and wisdom shared I had what I will refer to as a moment of fogginess.  I began to journal how I was feeling and I just let the pen flow.  To be fair, I was not astounded at what I read but it did force me to pause.  I felt as if I were simply reacting, being forced to simply respond to events and situations around me, that I was not in the so called driver's seat of my own life, I was having to dance to the tune of others and not my own.  This lack of personal ability to self-direct my life .... let's be honest now .... control! .... was frustrating me.  

So when I read this and applied this thought to much of what my confidant and I spoke of earlier I did become ... well, I almost giggled aloud.  All I could think to myself was, what in the world do you think Life is?  Events, situations, circumstances, etc. will be ever present and life is how we choose to view, respond and act upon them.  This desire to control and steer is a fools errand.  I may not like that which I am required to sometimes do, but so what.  There may be a tune(s) which I am called to dance to but it is I who may determine how I jiggle my body and shake out my rhythm.   

The next morning, facing the same dynamics of life, I felt refreshed if not more accepting to tackling the things before me.  I further realized that there is much, much work still to do, that it is daily in nature and is very, very much worth the effort.   

Just a personal, recent experience that I thought I would share.  As for everything else, sobriety seems to be humming right along without much concern at this point.  Am very happy to be able to say there is very little noise from the addict self within.  On another note, to the motto, whatever it takes, after a period of reflection and contemplation, I have made a decision which has/will alter the direction of my life, altered the potential 'playlist' which I may shake a leg to and it feels very 'right'.    

Wishing everyone the warmest regards!

Jason