ALL IN

Six months ago, I left the Ranch. For the third time. The first time I was out almost two weeks before I got loaded. The second... well... Wasa Lake beer store, ten minutes up the road. That was July 2007. The nightmare that was my life, continued until June 27, 2011. 45 days later, and some honest hard work, my new life in the "real" world began. I decided that I never wanted to feel, the way I felt those last 10 days of using. My life and 28years of "altering my perception" I like to call it, has taken me from my hometown of Ft.Mcmurray to places like the streets of East Van.just to name one. To treatment centers in Alberta, B.C. and Newport Beach Ca. . 10 stays in all. As I have carefully looked deep inside myself, to try and remember those thoughts and feelings that took me to these programs prior to my last stay at the Ranch, There was something quite different this time. 9 times before, I felt things we are all familiar with like anger and frustration. Not just in ourselves, but the anger and frustration of those close to us. For me , there was always relationships that needed fixing. From work to family to friends. If I just go get some help, all will be well. At least for a little while, until I used again. And I always had an excuse. What a joke!

The only person close to me that I had left, made the choice to leave me on June17, 2011. My addiction drove her away again. Only, I   knew that this time, she wasn't coming back. I kept drinkin. But as the time went by, I had noone to argue with. The chaos was no more. My best friend, who I treated like dirt, was gone. I could hardly blame her. I was completely "shattered". I was "alone'. I felt "hurt" like never before. My heart was broken. On about June 23,2011, I decided that I NEVER wanted to feel this way again. Then came my latest visit to the Ranch. I never went, to try and repair my relationships. There wasn't one anymore. Nobody at home when I get out. Kids are not close by. Finally, Finally, this time, it was about ME. I was here for Me.

I came out of treatment, and back home Aug 10, 2011. Meetings and a sponsor was first priority. Today its what I do. I maintain my sobriety on a daily basis. Life is better than I would have imagined. Things that I have lost, and never thought I could get back, have come back. Things like my girl. She came back 5 months after she left. My love for her was probably the only thing that was real. My place in the family business, which i thought was gone forever, has been offered to me. Things that I never had, like self respect, dignity, and resect for others have developed. Everyday I thank God, AA, and TOW for giving me life. Special thanks to GOD, for giving me Nancy Hawke. He knew exactly what I needed, when I needed it. A day at a time.

Dennis Mandrusiak